


Fix you

by stormchasersteve



Series: Thundershield advent 2013 [12]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Depression, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Some Plot, Thor: The Dark World
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 23:17:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1099721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormchasersteve/pseuds/stormchasersteve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thundershield advent day 20 - this started as a prompt, but became rather extended and plotty, so I'm presenting it as a standalone ficlet with the hope someone might use it as a springboard.  After the events of T:TDW, Thor suffers from depression.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fix you

It is well known that Mjolnir is enchanted so that only those deemed worthy are able to lift it.  But for some reason, there is a glitch in the enchantment so that if Mjolnir looks inside someone’s soul (or however it works idk) and finds that _they do not believe themselves to be worthy,_ then they cannot lift it - regardless of how worthy they objectively are.

In the aftermath of the Dark Elf invasion, the big guy has endured the death of his mother and brother, on top of the fact that the actions of his family are (directly or indirectly) responsible for the devastation wreaked on Arizona, New York and London.  He is so deeply affected and changed by all of this that, even though he has been groomed all of his life for kingship, he turns down the throne.  He no longer deems himself worthy.  Everything he thought about himself, his place in life and the Nine Realms, has been shattered.

He returns to Midgard dealing with this monumental pile of grief, guilt, alienation, self-blame - a lethal cocktail that spirals down - and he feels worthless, he _believes_ he is worthless.  Mjolnir reads that in him, and when Thor also loses the ability to lift the hammer, this confirms to him all his darkest doubts and critical thoughts, and he sinks into a pit of depression.

Steve understands.  He can’t make it better.  He can’t undo the hurt or heal the grief, or even silence those dark, self-doubting thoughts, but he _understands._   He knows what it is like to have that much responsibility on his shoulders that it hurts.  He knows what it’s like to feel useless and used and unsure of his place in the world.  He knows what it’s like to lose everything, to blame himself, to hide from the world that is empty to him now because _everything_ is a reminder of the pain bleeding through his soul.

But he also knows when someone is not a perfect soldier, but a good man.

He can’t fix Thor, but he supports him, listens to him, cares for him, _loves_ him.  Because this man, this _god_ has a heart bigger than he has ever seen before, and feels things so deeply, so acutely, that Steve would move worlds for his friend if it just made things a little easier.  He never tells Thor what to do, how to feel, because how could anyone understand what horrors he’s been through, so how could they tell him his feelings weren’t valid? 

Sometimes it becomes too much even for Steve.  It _hurts_ to see his friend believing such poisonous things about himself, but Bruce is always there supporting them both.  He doesn’t sugarcoat things but he is honest, and kind, because he understands too.

There are no magic solutions, or clever fixes - though Tony tries.  He tries until he exhausts himself because he wants to mend Thor in a way he could never mend himself, and he remembers.  He knows what it’s like.  He won’t let Thor go through that alone.

It’s hard for Thor to be around Clint, because he feels so much responsibility and guilt for what happened to the archer.  Clint knows that despairing feeling of helpless culpability.  He gets it, and he tells Thor this when they sit on the roof together, feeling the wind.

Natasha is all secrets - not even Clint knows everything that hides in her past, that she wishes she could wipe from her ledger.  But she talks quietly to Thor sometimes, a subtle trust that might even be tender.

Slowly, Thor comes back to them.  And the first time he laughs - the first time in months that golden smile spreads right across his face in joy - Steve realises why it hurt so much, why he never gave up, why he couldn’t understand how someone so remakable ever saw themselves as not worthy.  He realises why it was just _so damn important_ to him that Thor came through this, and comes see what Steve could see so plainly in him all along.

Because he was in love with him.


End file.
